The winds are changing! We had thought we would start to pursue another child, but things might be heading in another direction. I just wrote about it in an email to someone who really has inspired us along this journey, so rather than writing it all over again, I'll just paste in part of my email.
"I have to share with you what God has been doing since things changed directions with our RR sweetie. So, of course at first we were super sad and confused. What was God speaking? It was obvious He moved mountains to make J's adoption happen (for his adoptive family), then why did we feel like He had told us to commit? We waited on Him and prayed, and continue to pray and wait.
This is what we know: God used J to turn our eyes in the direction of the Eastern European orphan. He used him to turn our hearts in that direction. I believe we had to commit to a child for our hearts to fully turn. Does that make sense? My heart was broken before, but when you commit to a child you give them your heart, and that was a game-changer for us. Our foster care adoption has been drama after drama and honestly we had gotten a bit jaded. J opened our hearts again to the plight of the orphan.
Ever since before we were married we have both desired to minister overseas. I worked for a missions department in college and we have led several trips overseas, my inlaws are missionaries, our hearts are abroad. We've asked God time and time again when we would get to go and always felt He had us where He wanted us in the US. After things fell through with J, I instantly started looking for another child. Jed was not so sure. He works in early childhood attachment and development stuff, I'm a pediatric nurse...Jed asked the question "what if this is our time to go?" I know it might sound crazy...but we are willing. I know in that country there are cultural difference and mindsets dating back for hundreds of years. I know it's not a matter of just training orphanage staff to do better, it's a matter of a nation seeing the value of life, that everyone is child of God and He does not make mistakes. I've emailed some with Andrea G and she told me some of the reality of trying to help in the orphanages. The problem seems impossible, but that is when God does his best work, right?
Our heart, Lord willing, is to join forces with people who are doing the work of helping these children. We want to use our education and skills to help, but also somehow help in mobilizing the church to do what the Lord has commanded in caring for the orphans. The church could do so much more than just the 2 of us. I have no stinkin idea how this will play out, or what God has in mind, but our vision is big and our hearts are open. We simply want to hear God's voice and obey. We would love to visit Eastern Europe in March or April of next year to scout out what God might be saying and maybe meet some contacts.
Things have turned out different on this journey than we thought, but through that experience God has awakened old passions and dreams that we thought we had to put on the shelf for life. He is good and His love never fails."
So, that's it in a nutshell. Like I said, we have no idea how this will all play out! We are willing. We desire to have our lives count for something. I don't want to live for comfort. I don't want to look back at our lives when are old and have regrets of what life could have been like if we would have lived radically for Him. I don't want to hold anything back. Lord willing our kids will watch our lives, live it with us, and see His Kingdom come and His will be done.