Birthday Boy

Six years ago God gave us Ezra.

The day he was born was one of the best, and then scariest days of my life.

There were complications and when our Ez Pez was born his lungs were acting like he was a preemie.  

He was a very sick baby.

Oh I remember the feelings of that day.  I'm a pediatric nurse myself and I remember feeling so helpless, my baby in the hands of others who were very concerned.  Doctors talking seriously and quietly, coming to my bedside with updates.  I had to have a c-section, so only Jed could go along with Ezra to the NICU.  We couldn't hold him, I couldn't feed him.  It was so sad!

Then when Ezra was several days old we went downstairs to the NICU to visit him in the night.  His nurse that night was one we hadn't had before.  

Her words "Would you like to hold your baby?"  

Yes yes yes!!!!

That night I got to hold Ezra for the first time.  He was fragile and earlier that day we had been told it would be a while before he would be strong enough to be held.  I asked the nurse what had changed and she replied, 

"I'm of the school of thought that what babies really need is their mommy."

Guess what?  From that night on Ezra started improving.  He started getting stronger, his lungs started working better!  The miracle of the mother/baby bond was witnessed that night.  I am amazed at how God creates our little ones to crave touch, to NEED touch to thrive.  They are hear our voices in the womb, they know our scent, our voice, our touch.   

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb."
Psalm 139:13

We came home just days later with a completely healthy boy. 

God is so good!!!
Ezra has been such a blessing to our home.  He is loving, caring, always the one to kiss the babies good night.  He is becoming more "boy" all the time and is totally in love with his daddy.
Happy birthday my sweet miracle boy.  May you love the Lord like crazy and follow His lead every day of your life.We are thankful for you!!!!

The One that Started it All

I am so happy today.  It's a bittersweet happiness, but less bitter and more sweet. 

Last year at this time we had no idea about the orphan crisis in Eastern Europe.  We had no idea sweet precious children made perfect in the sight of God were alone in cribs forgotten by the world.  

Then "by chance" I ran across an adoption blog that mentioned Reeces Rainbow and my eyes were opened.  I thought about those sweet faces all the time.  One face stood out among the rest.  No matter how many others I looked at, there was something special about this one.  So we prayed.  We prayed and prayed and God spoke.  He told us to go for it- this was our boy.  We were so excited!  We had prayed for this little one for months.  His picture was up on our wall, he was the child of our hearts.

Well, most of you know it wasn't long until we found out he was being adopted by another family.  You can't pre-select a child from that country, so another Reeces Rainbow family that was already there to meet their daughter met our boy and fell in love.  God totally paved the way for them to add our sweet one to their adoption.  Oh boy, the emotions that followed!  We grieved and we rejoiced.  We wept and we smiled.  It was totally confusing and horrible and wonderful at the same time.  

Shortly after that time is when God started leading us in another direction.  I know I've said it before, but I believe God led us to our boy to turn our hearts in the right direction.  He used our sweet one to open our hearts once again to the plight of the orphans.  He knew it would take us fully investing our hearts and saying "yes" to get us to the point where He could then show us the next turn in our path.

Not long after that all happened the situation in our boy's country changed.  He was safely at home with his forever family when the office of government that handles all the adoptions in his country closed down to switch to another system.  People who are in the middle of their adoption process are right now just waiting for things to open back up so they can go rescue their babies.  If we would have proceeded with adopting our boy, if he had not been rescued by the family God had chosen for him he would be sitting and waiting for us.  Worse than that, he would most likely have been transferred to an institution and possibly lost forever.  Does our God know what He's doing or what!!!?  This just blows my mind how perfect His plans are.  His ways truly are higher than our ways.   

Now we are embarking on our grand adventure and he is safe at home with a loving and wonderful family that God destined for him.  I am amazed.  

I see "my" sweet boy's face and I know God has an amazing plan for his life.  I cried when I saw pictures of him this morning, but I can honestly say my tears are tears of thankfulness.  Thankfulness to our God who holds everything in His hands.  Praise God!

You can see pictures and a beautiful post about "our" boy here.  I will always love him.  :)

Seriously, God amazes me. 

Big Day

It's a pretty big day around here.  We've got a reader Folks!

That's right, Ezra is reading!  Going into this year I was pretty nervous since Addie could already read when we started homeschooling her, thanks to Mrs. O'Connor (shout out to Jan!).  I've never taught anyone to read and it all seemed very complicated and mysterious.  But...we have success! 

I have to confess, I owe it all to Bob.  

I kept hearing everyone talking about "Bob Books".  I kept thinking "Who the heck is Bob?"  Oooooh let me tell ya, that Bob is one sweet fella.  My lovely friend loaned me a set of Bob Books and we are victorious.

WAHOO!!!!!

Ezra's an animal.  Not only is he officially a reader, you probably didn't realize he's also a Jedi.  Yep, he's one talented guy.

I love him to pieces.

I Love November

November is National Adoption Month and Orphan Awareness Month.  Jed and I have been hard at work preparing a presentation for our church.  I am so stinkin' excited to share with our body what we are most passionate about.  For our presentation we've been filming people from our church who have either been adopted, adopted a child themselves, fostered children, or somehow are actively doing orphan care.  It has been awesome.

I think sometimes when us passionate-about-orphans people get to really thinking about all the fatherless out there, all the babies without mama's, all the boys without daddies, it can get extremely overwhelming.  God, why aren't people doing more?  Don't they even care?  I sometimes feel alone in my passion.  I think about the fatherless every single day.  I pray for the orphaned ones every single day.  I look into the face of my baby and wonder what his life would have been like had he been born in a different country.  Would he have been abandoned?  Would he be languishing in an orphanage with no one to hold him when he cries?  Most likely.  It's too much.

Then I lift my head up and I look around.  I start thinking of ones I know who I can get on film from our church.  I think of name after name of those who have answered the cry.  

Phil and Kathy- fostered over 30 teenage girls and adopted their daughter through foster care.
Tim and Rosa- running an orphanage in Asia for disabled children.
Debbi- adopted as a child and so thankful to share how she was rescued by her parents.
Sam and Angie- some of our very best friends who are in Bulgaria RIGHT NOW! visiting with their children they are adopting.

Yes, the need is great.
Yes, many ignore the need.
Yes, the church needs to rise up.

But,
Many are answering the cries.
Many are not ignoring the need.
Many are rising up.

I know God is on the move and He WILL NOT forget His children.
And I am encouraged.

 I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.  John 14:18

FORGET ME NOT FRIDAY- My first

This is my first time to post about a specific child.  There are a few reasons why, but none of them are good reasons.  I see other blogs with people advocating for a specific child or children, and my heart is moved.  My heart just wells up with love for these precious ones who have been forgotten by the world.  

The voiceless.

The forgotten.

The fatherless.

I read other blogs and I know they make a difference.  Many children who are advocated for end up being adopted, yet I haven't advocated.  Why is that?  Pride I guess.  Unbelief I guess.  I felt that my words wouldn't bear weight.  I felt that no one I know in real life would be interested in hearing about these forgotten, "imperfect" children.  I felt that I would be annoying people by placing this need before them.  

I was wrong.

My words don't bear weight- I was right about that.  But guess what?  My God is the Father to the Fatherless and if I'm advocating on His behalf then the words will bear weight.  Not because I typed them out, but because He loves them more than I could ever love them.  

Who am I to assume that people I know wouldn't be interested in hearing about these precious ones who occupy my thoughts so often?  I felt like God was saying "Don't you trust me?"  I need to trust the Holy Spirit in others and let Him do His work.  How can people act if they are unaware?  I was unaware a year ago and now I'm planning a trip to Ukraine to see these children for myself.  That was the Holy Spirit's doing- and He can for sure do it for others!!!!  

As far as annoying people by advocating, honestly, that was just a lame excuse to do nothing.  The people I know and love are too compassionate and loving to be annoyed.  What was I thinking?

Anyway, all that to say- here's my first post about a child I love.  I've never met him, but he has stolen my heart.  If I could I would cross the ocean tomorrow to snatch him up forever.  When things fell through when we committed to Jonah I immediately "knew" this was our boy instead.  But God had other plans.  He's not my baby, but he's somebody's baby.  Maybe he's yours??

This is "Aiden".  Aiden is his Reeces Rainbow name, to protect his privacy.  Aiden is 4 years old and is visually impaired.  I'm not sure if he's 100% blind, or if he could see some with some medical attention.  Here is what is said about sweet Aiden on Reeces Rainbow:

"From a volunteer who spent several months at this orphanage:
Aiden is visually impaired (I'm not sure if he has some vision or if he is 100% blind). Aiden has some more significant delays however it is difficult to tell if he is cognitively delayed for medical reasons or if his delays are simply a result of institutionalization / lack of stimulation. Aiden engages in a lot of self-stimulation such as poking his eyes, tapping his head on the side of his crib, rocking back and forth, etc. When I first met Aiden he was able to walk around the edges of the crib holding on to the sides, but he would not walk independently, even while holding on to someone's hands. As I worked with him however and he grew to trust me he began to take his first steps and now he loves to walk! Still, at least while I was there, the workers never let him out of his playpen.  Aiden does not speak but he responds to his name and I believe he understands simple directions. He is not toilet trained but he is learning to feed himself.  Aiden is difficult to engage. He doesn't initiate interaction but when you play with him/tickle him, etc. he is full of smiles and laughter. I believe that this boy has way more potential than can be seen right now. Whoever Aiden's family will need to be persistent about getting in his face in order to force him to engage and patient with what may be slow progress but I believe that with the consistent love and stimulation that a family would bring this little guy has all kinds of potential."

Aiden's picture hangs on our wall in our house.  He is so precious to me.  More than that, he is precious to the Lord and I know God has great things in store for him.  For more info on sweet Aiden go here.

Happenings

Alright, enough of the once-a-month posting.  It's time to kick this baby into high gear!  I decided to make this a family blog so I can document not just our journey toward our new adventure, but all the ins and outs of the fam as well.  Grams and Grammy are always asking for pics of the kiddos and I'm horrible about emailing them...so maybe I'll be better about blogging them!  Fingers crossed...

God is doing something big around here and I know someday I'll want to look back and remember how everything fell into place.

So, since I wrote last we have been having a grand old time around here!  We went to the pumpkin patch twice- in one week!  Amazingly enough we stayed dry both times!  (that is big news around these parts)

A rare photo of the two of us.  I'm one lucky gal!

Jed's parents visited.  They live in Kosovo and we love love love it when they visit.  Grammy and Papa visits are never long enough!!!  :)  This visit Grammy taught Addie how to sew by hand.  Good thing, because Lord knows she would have never learned it from Mommy!  At least one someone in our house knows how to sew on a button now.  Heehee.

Musical prodigies- we start them out young.  What a loud lovely duet!  Things are in a holding pattern for little man's adoption.  We've done everything we can do on our end, just waiting on the state to do their part.  Then we'll have a court date.  I'm still holding out hope he may be officially ours in 2011...time will tell!!!

Ezra's self portrait.  That's some major concentration goin' on there.

Our plans for April are shaping up great!  So far we have 3 contacts we will be meeting with and we hope to add more to that list.  We don't have our exact dates set yet because we're waiting on Jed's work for the final word.  We plan to be there at least 3 weeks.  We've had some really amazing words from the Lord lately that encourage us to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Only He knows what it will look like in the end.  We're just along for the ride! 

Back in the Saddle

How Can this Be?

 Come Lord Jesus, awaken your church, awaken my heart to simple obedience, to look past myself to the ones you love so.

I read this today and it hit me right in my gut.  It really doesn't have to be that complicated!   

How Can This Be?

A Day at the Beach

My sister-in-law and I took the kiddos to the beach on Monday!

It was glorious.  It was actually hot, which is a miracle around here.  It's unheard of to actually be warm at our beaches without a sweatshirt or two on  :)  We expect that and we love it, but the sun made Monday a most special treat! 

Hours upon hours spent running and playing...

It was glorious!!!

Changing Directions

I need to get better about this blogging thing...I know there aren't many (or any!) people reading it at this point, but somehewere down the line I'll want to go back and remember this journey. 

The winds are changing!  We had thought we would start to pursue another child, but things might be heading in another direction.  I just wrote about it in an email to someone who really has inspired us along this journey, so rather than writing it all over again, I'll just paste in part of my email.

"I have to share with you what God has been doing since things changed directions with our RR sweetie.  So, of course at first we were super sad and confused.  What was God speaking?  It was obvious He moved mountains to make J's adoption happen (for his adoptive family), then why did we feel like He had told us to commit?  We waited on Him and prayed, and continue to pray and wait.  

This is what we know: God used J to turn our eyes in the direction of the Eastern European orphan.  He used him to turn our hearts in that direction.  I believe we had to commit to a child for our hearts to fully turn.  Does that make sense?  My heart was broken before, but when you commit to a child you give them your heart, and that was a game-changer for us.  Our foster care adoption has been drama after drama and honestly we had gotten a bit jaded.  J opened our hearts again to the plight of the orphan.  

Ever since before we were married we have both desired to minister overseas.  I worked for a missions department in college and we have led several trips overseas, my inlaws are missionaries, our hearts are abroad.  We've asked God time and time again when we would get to go and always felt He had us where He wanted us in the US.  After things fell through with J, I instantly started looking for another child.  Jed was not so sure.  He works in early childhood attachment and development stuff, I'm a pediatric nurse...Jed asked the question "what if this is our time to go?"  I know it might sound crazy...but we are willing.  I know in that country there are cultural difference and mindsets dating back for hundreds of years.  I know it's not a matter of just training orphanage staff to do better, it's a matter of a nation seeing the value of life, that everyone is child of God and He does not make mistakes.  I've emailed some with Andrea G and she told me some of the reality of trying to help in the orphanages.  The problem seems impossible, but that is when God does his best work, right?  

Our heart, Lord willing, is to join forces with people who are doing the work of helping these children.  We want to use our education and skills to help, but also somehow help in mobilizing the church to do what the Lord has commanded in caring for the orphans.  The church could do so much more than just the 2 of us.  I have no stinkin idea how this will play out, or what God has in mind, but our vision is big and our hearts are open.  We simply want to hear God's voice and obey.  We would love to visit Eastern Europe in March or April of next year to scout out what God might be saying and maybe meet some contacts.  

Things have turned out different on this journey than we thought, but through that experience God has awakened old passions and dreams that we thought we had to put on the shelf for life.  He is good and His love never fails."

So, that's it in a nutshell.  Like I said, we have no idea how this will all play out!  We are willing.  We desire to have our lives count for something.  I don't want to live for comfort.  I don't want to look back at our lives when are old and have regrets of what life could have been like if we would have lived radically for Him.  I don't want to hold anything back.  Lord willing our kids will watch our lives, live it with us, and see His Kingdom come and His will be done.    

One Step Closer

Today I had my physical for our foster care adoption of Baby S.  That was the last bit that we had to do and now his file can go to Central Office for processing!  Woohoo! 

My baby is growing and changing every day.  He was born addicted to drugs, but today he is a smiling, crawling, pointing, babbling, one year old who lights up our lives.  I don't know if we will foster again, but I do know that he was our greatest reward for fostering.  We have had a lot of hard times in our last four years involved in foster care.  It has been one of the hardest and best things we have ever done.  Baby S is our prize :)  We are blessed beyond words. 

On an "international note", we had some doubts this past month, but have decided to continue with our international adoption homestudy.  We took some time to pray, wait on God, grieve, and listen.  God has not told us to stop, so we will continue to move.  The country we feel He is calling us to is closing adoptions for the next three months, so in the meantime we'll do whatever we can do on our end to get ready for their re-open.  Bring on the paperwork!  It has been such a huge blessing to see the little one we originally committed to meeting his mommy and daddy for the first time.  I won't lie, at first it made me cry.  I had so hoped to be his mommy and to have that meeting.  I dreamed of it.  But, helloooooo????  This is so not about me!!! Ha!  God is amazing.  He knew this precious one needed out of his country before the adoption closure.  As always, His ways are so much higher than our ways.  I'm thankful for that.   

Beginnings

Beginning...beginning of what?  That's a good question.  The beginning of this blog, yes, but I had hoped today I would be starting this blog out with talking about the beginning of our adoption journey to kiddo #5.  Although things won't look how I thought they would, I guess technically this is still about the beginning of our adoption journey.  Nice rambling start eh?  :)

I'll back up.  Who are we?
 I'm Kim:  wife, Mommy, foster mom, home-school teacher, friend, pediatric nurse, coffee snob, lover of all things missions/orphans/helpless/least of these.  I'm passionate about the plight of the orphan, both here, and abroad.  My husband tells me my passion is "to mother the world".  He may not be that far off!
Then there's Jed: husband, Daddy, foster dad, friend, social worker, guitar-playin worshippin' Jesus Freak.  He is my best friend and an amazing person.  He is selfless and totally committed to pursuing God's plans and purposes. 
Adelina: our oldest daughter, our amazing firstborn.  She loves to read and read and read.  She is mildly obsessed with Ancient Egypt.  Ha!  Addie is kind, loves and lives life to the fullest with a perpetual smile on her face. 
Ezra: our first son, our "helper".  Ezra loves to color, cuddle mommy, and jump on the trampoline.  He adores his older sister (though he would never admit that to anyone).  He is loving and tender, always the one to rush to kiss the babies.
Havalah:  our joy.  The name Havalah means "life", and she is perfectly suited for her name.  Havalah is a bubbly ball of sweetness that you just can't help but squeeze.  She knows what she wants and will let you know it!  She is our Polly Pocket and Strawberry Shortcake girl. 
Baby "S":  our unexpected miracle.  S is our foster baby boy that we have had since his birth.  We didn't expect to keep him when we took him in, but now we can't imagine our lives without him.  He will be one year old on Saturday and what a celebration that will be!  I'll share another time the miracle that is our baby.  We are in the process of adopting him through our state.  He is happy, beautiful, and absolutely adored.

  We created this blog because we recently committed to a little boy through Reeces Rainbow.  They suggest you start a blog for your adoption journey.  I actually found out about Reeces Rainbow through another blog.  I read on that blog about the plight of special needs orphans and was compelled to act.  After much prayer we knew God was calling us to pursue a certain boy.  I dreamed about him, prayed for him, God spoke, words were given, Scriptures were given, money was given!  It was very very clear to us that God was saying "Move!"  So we moved.  We sent in our committment papers and then today we found out that another family who was in country already had decided to adopt our boy.  It was a rare occurence and everyone involved was surprised at the turn of events.  We were shocked!  What do you do when you know beyond a shadow of doubt what God told you to do, but then things change so radically?  What do we make of it?  It's confusing and heartbreaking.  When we committed to that boy I felt the feelings you feel when you find out your pregnant, and now I'm not sure what to feel since my "baby" is no longer mine.  I know legally he never was mine, but in my heart he was.  :)

So, now we wait on the Lord.  He told us to move, so we will continue to move forward.  We will continue our home study paperwork and see where He leads.  I decided to start the blog anyhow, because even though the course of our journey has changed, I know it has not ended.  It is still the story of our adoptions of #4 and #5.  Your guess is as good as mine on how things will turn out!  God knows though, may His kingdom come and His will be done.  So be it!