Have you ever set out to lift something you have no business trying to move?
You call all your friends, you even grab a neighbor or two. Everyone gets their hands on this huge piece of wood. 1... 2.... 3...
If you got enough helpers you're thinking, "Wow, we got this! Geez, this thing is dense." Though the weight is significant and you can tell that you are part of lifting something quite large, it's not unbearable.
On the other hand, if you only have three other fellas... That pre-war mass of oak, steal and copper is a whole other animal. 1... 2... 3... "put it down! put it down!"
You all step back and think, "What did we get ourselves into?" You do a bit of strategizing, come up with your best possible plan, dig deep, get a little angry and hype yourselves up. You grab that big piece of wood and with every muscle and ounce of strength; you heave that beast out of the house.
Hold that feeling in your mind. The one we've all felt right before doing a job we feared would break us. You knew the weight was crazy, we are bending at the knees, stealing ourselves for the pain...
1... 2... 3...
As I landed in Kiev yesterday I started feeling this weight. Not overbearing, just a subtle nagging in the back of my brain. I was mostly sensing God's pleasure and enjoying the sights and smells as Sergie, Elvin and I headed for the metro to find the closest Puzata Hata. YUM.
It was so nice to sit down and hear what God is doing in Elvin's life and to hear Sergie's passion for Ukrainians to know Christ. They are sweet brothers and I'm looking forward to spending time together, playing music and drinking some good beer.
After having a full belly, which is what Puzata Hata means, we dashed off to where I could get on the bus to Zhitomir. "Kim, I'm so close." I woke up a couple hours later and stumbled off the bus. Right after I grabbing my bag I started looking around for my beautiful bride.
I knew I would see her bright eyes and shining smile, if I kept looking around. Then I heard my name through a wide grin and turned around to see Kimber skipping toward me. I am the most blessed man in the world. I am married to a beautiful, confident and passionate woman who loves God and loves people. She is going to change the world and I get to watch it happen right in front of me.
She dragged my 'sight-for-sore-eyes' back to the house we are living at to FaceTime the kids and get cleaned up. "You can't fall asleep, Jed."
As we went out for dinner, that nagging feeling started at me again. Hand-in-Hand with my wife, talking about her adventures and what God was speaking and doing and I couldn't shake it. So, I decided to embrace the feeling and see where it would take me. Let the melancholy sink-in and figure out what I was trying to process. All the while, feeling God's pleasure as I listened to Kim share about the wonderful people she met and all the wisdom they had shared with her.
I fell asleep, holding Kimber and feeling blessed. But, I also just had this sense of weight. "What we are about to do is weighty. It's costly. It's real," I said to myself. This isn't just a dream off in the distance. This is happening. 1... 2... Zzzzz... I was out cold.
I woke up with Matthew 11 running through my noggin'. "My yoke is easy and My burden is light." I felt like Jesus was saying, "My yoke is easy and light for you, but it's not nothing. You are joining me in something I hold dearly and is heavy on My heart, Jed."
I can feel the dense weight of what God is calling us to, but, in faith I trust that He is carrying the weight.
So, instead of digging deep and hyping myself up, I am sitting here feeling the density of what we are a part of, but I am entrusting the weight of it in the hands of the one who stretched out His arms for the world. He lifted a far heavier piece of wood and I can trust Him. 1... 2... 3...